Just Like That

I always skip my favourite songs, the songs that hold a deeper meaning . May be I just don't want to get over it listening to it over and over.

I have realised that I have attention span of a puppy. At least when it comes to warming my chair in front of the PC. I get distracted by my colleagues, wiki, Google etc. Solution to this is plug on to my mp3 player in full blast and go deaf :)

Essence of friendship once lost is hard to revive. You might just be able to keep aside the difference and move ahead but not sure if it is easy to have the same relationship after all what has happened.

I miss my pups. All of them. I now know that one does not have to give birth to know what is motherhood.

Read more...

Some more whining

In the past couple of months all I have been doing is whine, whine and whine more about how pathetic I feel without the people who have chose to leave me stranded in the midst of no where. Its not that I have not tried to forgive and forget things, I have tried to move on from what has happened but time and again I find myself falling back to where I started off. The more I try to get over the incident the more I see myself fall back on my face. The places, the days, the movies, the songs, our common friends, really don’t allow me to amputate that part of me which is associated with him. Emotionally I am the weakest I have ever been. I feel disconnected from people these days. Rather I consciously disconnect myself after a certain time fearing that people close to me will eventually hurt me. It’s a constant struggle. Probably it would be easier for me to just leave everything and run off to a place where I won’t have to face anything or anyone which will remind me of him. But why should I? I have struggled for 5 years in this city to create a world of my own. I have other friends, people whom I look up to, people to guide me and advice me... all these dint come overnight to me. Over the years I have gained these people's trust and they have gained mine. I don’t think he is worth all these, hence I don’t want to quit. But every day seems to be a constant battle, where I am at war with my own self. Even if one part of me wins the battle there is another part which looses. This is the price I pay for choosing to not run away.

Funny how sometimes we loose ourselves to an extend that we allow someone else to have so the power to control your life entirely, someone not wort it at all.

Read more...

Health, Friendship and Song of togetherness

I am a food freak. I am not out and out adventurous at trying weird food but then some flavours and dishes gives me a high and I like to indulge in it as much as I can. This is quiet evident by my looks. And surprisingly unlike other gals I never cared about a perfect figure or the extra pounds I gain when am on a eating spree. Never was I bother that guys done drool over my figure etc ... Recently I had this person whom I know telling me that he has diabetics, and high cholesterol and a damaged liver ( that bad liver is because of his drinking) at the age of 33. It hit me hard. 33 is too young to have such ailments. And its really freaks me out to think that I wont be able to touch any thing sweet once I become diabetic. Of course you can take those once in a while risk and put your neck under the guillotine. This incident has made me realise that I am probably on a marathon towards an early heart heart attack, or being a diabetic at a early age. I can live without getting into single digit sized clothes rather anything ready made
All these thoughts have freaked me out of my wits. I don't want to cut short my life with my own hands and have taken a conscious decision to eat healthy and go for brisk walks. I hope and am sure that the fear of dying will make me stick to a healthy lifestyle. Will keep updating how I do.

Further ..
There are some friendships which have a shelf life. After that they die off totally. No matter how much you to try to revive it, perform CPR, mouth to mouth what ever you do it dies off anyways. Its sometimes useless to even to try to bring to a level you are not friends anymore but mere acquaintance. Its just doesn't work out, especially when you a blood sucking bitch to brain wash your friend. I am not even sure what exactly has been told about me that the relationship is irreparable. What is one supposed to do at such an instance? Am sure the answer would to just leave it and move forward..? Right ? But what if doesn't work that way? ... What if that person is unavoidable? And you have to face him time and again, interact with him out of compulsion and helplessness. Each time you come across each other,you always make a conscious effort to just keep the interaction to the required limit but the so called friend is out to slash you with comments and taunts, simply judging you by what he was told about.

Much further...
Have you listened to the song "Mere Haath Mein, tere haath hai" from the movie Fanaa? I do enjoy Hindi songs a lot but when it comes to understanding their meanings esp hidden meanings ( in those high fundoo Hindi words) I suck BIG time. Someone once has told to me that this is one of the few songs which explain the beauty of togetherness and relationship very well... The way smell is associated with breath, the way rhythm is associated with heartbeat.....Is there a better way to discribe it ?

Read more...