Some more whining

In the past couple of months all I have been doing is whine, whine and whine more about how pathetic I feel without the people who have chose to leave me stranded in the midst of no where. Its not that I have not tried to forgive and forget things, I have tried to move on from what has happened but time and again I find myself falling back to where I started off. The more I try to get over the incident the more I see myself fall back on my face. The places, the days, the movies, the songs, our common friends, really don’t allow me to amputate that part of me which is associated with him. Emotionally I am the weakest I have ever been. I feel disconnected from people these days. Rather I consciously disconnect myself after a certain time fearing that people close to me will eventually hurt me. It’s a constant struggle. Probably it would be easier for me to just leave everything and run off to a place where I won’t have to face anything or anyone which will remind me of him. But why should I? I have struggled for 5 years in this city to create a world of my own. I have other friends, people whom I look up to, people to guide me and advice me... all these dint come overnight to me. Over the years I have gained these people's trust and they have gained mine. I don’t think he is worth all these, hence I don’t want to quit. But every day seems to be a constant battle, where I am at war with my own self. Even if one part of me wins the battle there is another part which looses. This is the price I pay for choosing to not run away.

Funny how sometimes we loose ourselves to an extend that we allow someone else to have so the power to control your life entirely, someone not wort it at all.