Thursday, November 22, 2007

Lots of random thoughts with some soul searching

Well am back after a short break. I managed to keep myself busy with planning a pregnancy (not mine :P), watching Nach Baliye, reading almost next to nothing other than the daily news paper, a little bit of spiritual exploring, lots of internet surfing and blog hopping.
In between all these things I was at loss of words and also lost visitors/readers of my blog. Surprisingly loosing readers really has not driven me to quit the entire blogging scene. Compared to the time when I used to be disappointed that some posts went uncommented. I was so obsessed that at the earlier stages of my blogging I had even installed hit counter ( I hope that is what they are called) and used to jump with joy just seeing the number of hits I have had every day. At that time a friend and a fellow blogger Truman used to try to knock the 'writing for you and not for others' idea, which I never really got it then which I pretended to understand when in actual I never did. Slowly the my purpose of blogging evolved from trying to get people to read and like my posts to some where I could sob cry and share my feelings with strangers whom I have never met and further today it really doesn’t matter if there is anyone reading or not but nevertheless I feel good to write/vent at something which will not talk back, give that I told you so looks, and give unreasonable advices.
Truman I think I finally got it my dear friend! :D
I came across this column while wandering around the web world. And I really like the way the writer has to say about some members of her social circle.
You know that person who passes by every day and yells "bhanghar" in a twang
that no one understands? That enterprising guy who picks up all your useless
belongings and gives you some money for the useless belongings and then resells
it for more money? That person we call Bhangharwala! Well then, I have this one
bhangharwali in my circle as well who wishes to pick up all the men after their
break ups. Her strategy is simple… scope out the hip and happening couples, and
then quickly befriend the chick. She hangs around in their lives almost every
day making her presence and cleavage felt and then BAM…after the break-up, she
moves in for the male-consumption. She attaches herself to him faster than a bra
hook on the 100th date. "I don't know why women don't like me," she gripes every
day.

One of the other things that has been troubling me lately is my concerns on my quality of writing, one of the other reasons why I blog. I aspire to write a book some day. What am I doing to do so? Nothing. I should put efforts to put my views rather than talk about what has happened.

To be true now looking back I see that this whole year all I have done was sulk and cry for something that happened and for someone who dint deserve a penny of all that. At the same time it was learning for me. I have learnt that parents and siblings are the only ones who will stand by you through thick and thin, even if they don’t understand you as well as your friends. This experience also has helped me straighten my relationship with my mom a lot and I have started accepting that although I have one hell of a crazy family, they are my support.

While commuting to work my favorite time pass is to think about anything and everything. Stuff to do at work, at home, what to tell someone, plan my shopping, think what i will have for dinner, think how long will I be able to take my dog for a walk, what to wear to work the next day, remember to call someone, remember to do some petty work, the list goes on and on. Sometimes when I am in the mood for soul searching, I analyze where I am headed to professionally, as a human being. I like to analyze the roles I play and see if I am satisfied with my performance. In these day dreaming/ useless thinking moments I have or some weird reason concluded that I have to be more humble and simple at thoughts.
Think simple and humble; probably this can be my resolution for 2008, starting with Nov 2007: D

7 comments:

DreamVendor 22/11/07 11:26 PM  

looks like we just started sailing the same boat!

"...knock the 'writing for you and not for others' idea..." and daz exactly wat made come back to my dead blog! And am glad... slowly getting in and started visiting old friend's blogs as well... and glad to see you back with a long post!!

Cheers!
DreamVendor
(back on http://dreamvendor.blogspot.com)

the rain tree 26/11/07 1:43 AM  

awwww....you poured out everything.
take out everything. shout, write, cry, shout,,,do whatever but dont let ti stay in. life seems to be nice and busy at ur end. think dear but too much about anything.
hoping to see more of u

DreamVendor 27/11/07 9:32 AM  

Hey, is there a problem with ur RSS? My subscription to your blog shows some other site.... check check...

Anu 27/11/07 9:32 AM  

I totally agree with you on the dead blog issue.. its funny how the blogging life cycle changes with the number of years a person blogs

Viewer 27/11/07 11:13 PM  

@DreamVendor: Well fixed the RSS feed thingy... i jacked it up whilemessing around wit it... Thnks for letting me know abt the screw up :)

@Anu: Yeah.... luckily for me I end up coming back to write more and more... Many quit blogging after a while :)

Anonymous,  1/12/07 8:20 AM  

Really like the last three paragraphs on this entry.. because I could relate to it. I started my (private) blog just to vent about something that happened.. something that brought me closer to my mom.. but I still wish the latter would have happened without the former. Sometimes life lessons are learned at some cost. Why can't we learn without losing people/things in life? But anyway, just wanted to say.. thanks for writing! :)

Viewer 2/12/07 9:50 PM  

@Anonymous: Thnks 4 visiting. I agree… why can’t we learn our lessons b4 making mistakes? :) I guess it’s just being human and the way we are programmed :).

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