Did I abandon my blog?

The answer is no I havnt yet.

Then why am I not updating it?

Well there are a couple of reasons :

My focus has lately changed from writing to here so I am lately blogging here more regularly.

This blog was a place for me to vent, write about things that make happy, excited, sad ( yeha basically rant abt all the thoughts that pass my mind) and some things which I wanted to share with the blogworld. I realised that over the course of time ppl whose blog I used to visit have stopped blogging and I really dint make any new blogger friends. (Common all u find these days are 16 yrs old ranting about their teen problem.)

And most importantly I have realised that I think and crib about the problems and instead of feeling better I end up feeling all the more crappier.

That said I think I will find more words to put in here, in the mean time hope in here and check out whats keeping me hooked.

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Lots of random thoughts with some soul searching

Well am back after a short break. I managed to keep myself busy with planning a pregnancy (not mine :P), watching Nach Baliye, reading almost next to nothing other than the daily news paper, a little bit of spiritual exploring, lots of internet surfing and blog hopping.

In between all these things I was at loss of words and also lost visitors/readers of my blog. Surprisingly loosing readers really has not driven me to quit the entire blogging scene. Compared to the time when I used to be disappointed that some posts went uncommented. I was so obsessed that at the earlier stages of my blogging I had even installed hit counter ( I hope that is what they are called) and used to jump with joy just seeing the number of hits I have had every day. At that time a friend and a fellow blogger Truman used to try to knock the 'writing for you and not for others' idea, which I never really got it then which I pretended to understand when in actual I never did. Slowly the my purpose of blogging evolved from trying to get people to read and like my posts to some where I could sob cry and share my feelings with strangers whom I have never met and further today it really doesn’t matter if there is anyone reading or not but nevertheless I feel good to write/vent at something which will not talk back, give that I told you so looks, and give unreasonable advices.

Truman I think I finally got it my dear friend! :D

I came across this column while wandering around the web world. And I really like the way the writer has to say about some members of her social circle.

You know that person who passes by every day and yells "bhanghar" in a twang
that no one understands? That enterprising guy who picks up all your useless
belongings and gives you some money for the useless belongings and then resells
it for more money? That person we call Bhangharwala! Well then, I have this one
bhangharwali in my circle as well who wishes to pick up all the men after their
break ups. Her strategy is simple… scope out the hip and happening couples, and
then quickly befriend the chick. She hangs around in their lives almost every
day making her presence and cleavage felt and then BAM…after the break-up, she
moves in for the male-consumption. She attaches herself to him faster than a bra
hook on the 100th date. "I don't know why women don't like me," she gripes every
day.

One of the other things that has been troubling me lately is my concerns on my quality of writing, one of the other reasons why I blog. I aspire to write a book some day. What am I doing to do so? Nothing. I should put efforts to put my views rather than talk about what has happened.

To be true now looking back I see that this whole year all I have done was sulk and cry for something that happened and for someone who dint deserve a penny of all that. At the same time it was learning for me. I have learnt that parents and siblings are the only ones who will stand by you through thick and thin, even if they don’t understand you as well as your friends. This experience also has helped me straighten my relationship with my mom a lot and I have started accepting that although I have one hell of a crazy family, they are my support.

While commuting to work my favorite time pass is to think about anything and everything. Stuff to do at work, at home, what to tell someone, plan my shopping, think what i will have for dinner, think how long will I be able to take my dog for a walk, what to wear to work the next day, remember to call someone, remember to do some petty work, the list goes on and on. Sometimes when I am in the mood for soul searching, I analyze where I am headed to professionally, as a human being. I like to analyze the roles I play and see if I am satisfied with my performance. In these day dreaming/ useless thinking moments I have or some weird reason concluded that I have to be more humble and simple at thoughts.

Think simple and humble; probably this can be my resolution for 2008, starting with Nov 2007: D

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Am emotionally wercked !

Well yeah, this is not a news to me. I was aware that I am a emotional wreck since some months. But I thought I am emotionally weak when it comes to facing similar issues similar to the unpleasant incident which happen to me. But even today I have tears popping out seeing emotional movies/TV soap. I know u must be wondering which TV soap can make me cry? Well not those sadistic saas bahu kahaani definitely... its more of Greys Anatomy and things like that... But I thought the extend of my emotional damage were only till that.

Yesterday when I took Mandy to the vet, I happen to visit another abandoned Lab named Suzie at the next door pet shelter. Suzie has a very sad story. Her actual owner abandoned her after mating her and making money selling the litters and she was adopted by a small time hotelier who really dint take her as a house pet. More of a hotel pet, Suzie survived on the hotel scraps and leftovers. She was again mated and her litters were sold for almost 35000 (in total). One fine day the hotelier went absconding, taking many ppl's money and leaving Suzie on the streets. Since then she has been put in this shelter. Today she hardly looks like a lab, she is thin and undernourished. She is ripping her own fur due to lack of attention. The lady at the shelter doesn't want to find a home for her since she has been in the shelter for a long time and says that she has become emotionally attached to the dog. I wish I could help but I really cant take the responsibility of 2 dogs.

I knew Suzie's story since a long time, but after I saw her yest I couldn't sleep the entire night.

Is it normal to feel this way? Atleast I know for me it is not. I mean I am a person who looks at such incidents as 'it happens' manner. I donno if this is good or bad. But definetly I realise that incidents have left me weak hearted.

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England Weather

Yes that exactly how I can describe my mood lately. Today its bright and sunny and the very next day its gloomy. So unpredictable and fluctuating like the typical moody crab. Well I guess that is just being me, although as mentioned in my last post, these days I tend to lean towards more of the negative side.
Today am a happy gal ( yest I was all down). A good 33% raise, a colleague treating me to tasty 3 course lunch, no deadlines (at least for today) and in just an hour I will be heading home (relatively small day at work), I guess my sunny days are back again ... when in actual its cloudy outside :)

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Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gum

Well I got my yearly appraisal, and must say that the hike I got is pretty decent. Okay okay its very good.... much much more than my expectation...but common which employee is ever satisfied with the raise. I should be jumping with joy, but here I am instead sulking, remembering the past. Lately I have got into this habit of always looking at the one bad thing which has happened to me lately rather than looking at the 10 other good things which has happened after that one bad incident.

Or may be it is the fact that am not able to share my happiness with the one person with whom I want to. That is why it is said that Life is not fair always.

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Christmas Rants

In a way lot of things happening with me, but again there is nothing much happening at all... Christmas was dull through out but was satisfying enough to spend the end of the day with some people very close to my heart...

In the past of weeks there has been many doubts, thoughts, concerns, worries, and disappointments within me. I played every card and thigns were just gettign all the more worse. With a little bit of positive attitude and sleflesness I got to know osme of the answers which I was looking for... Although the answers were not as what I had wanted it to be, I was able to make peace with the situation... There is and there will be the sorrow of loosing some of the best things/days I had but hey good times dont last forever isnt it? For now I have to be content with whatever is there and just move forward with LIFE.

Looking back I could have actually done a few things diffrently, but I guess what ever has to happen will happen one day - it may be today or maybe tommorow but its inevitable.

I guess a positive attitude works for me for now... hoping one day I will be able to break through the wall between us and just be (BEST) friends forever............

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